I Review Cider

This is kind of how it all started. There are parts of me that sit there and think “My God what have I done?” but in reality God done fucked off a long time ago. You need a canonical list well that’s a separate post for a separate day.

Now as for cider? I’ve grown to like cider. It took me a long time to get here but fuck me have I arrived. So now I’m drinking cider and I’m enjoying cider but you know what? Sadly what ends up happening is there is a lot of shit out there so here I am wallowing through the shit to find the gems I enjoy.

So how in the living Hell am I rating this swill? Or more importantly how am I deciding when it’s actually not swill and half decent? Well here you go. My completely subjective, highly objective I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing rating system.


Duh. I rate it on 1 – 10 and give you some of that beautiful colour commentary you love.


Heh. Package. Wrap it and stuff it under a tree if it’s shit it’s still shit. Revel in the fact that sometimes a book is judged by it’s cover. I cut and paste this from my original source code and before I realized what I typed under packaging I said the same goddamn thing in my head… “Heh. Package.” Fucking child.


If it is made of something I’m going to tell you. Pretty sure I’m made of bullshit but my eyes are blue so the food colouring is working.


Not to be confused with packaging. If I’m wearing tightie whities that’s the packaging. If you’re getting a faceful of dong that’s the appearance.


Does it smell? Great. If I’m lucky it smells great. If I’m unlucky it smells like piss in a can.


I hope you’ve been paying attention to the spelling. The “u” belongs. Just like how you’re tasting the defeat of bad language if you’re south of the border. I personally like a nice dry cider with tartness but so long as it’s good I’m happy.